I have been suffering from major procrastination attack ever since young, and I am very very weak in controlling myself to do things. Control freaks are known as 'anals', what about me? The 'orals'? Or the sh*t?
Today I had two papers on 'Data and Computer Communication'. Why two papers? From above, I am in two courses actually, getting an Advance Diploma and a Bachelor Degree, thus I will need to sit for two papers, same syllabus. TARC's culture.
Well, I have been repeating what I have done over the years, which is not preparing well enough for the examination. For past few papers, I have been doing very badly in the Bachelor paper due to lack of preparation and doing quite well in the AdvDip paper thanks to the narrowed scope and the preparation of the Bachelor paper. This is because the Bachelor paper is in the morning, and the AdvDip paper is in the afternoon.
Same thing happened today. This paper is about the TCP/IP stack, the error and flow controls, and the Cisco routers (a.k.a. the CCNA syllabus). Since I am quite interested on networking, and know something about them, I have kind of looked down on this subject, even though I know it is not easy, yet I still ignored it. I did not really studied them until the last minute.
I burned midnight oil, and tortured myself to encode as much information from the slides and the notes given by the lecturer, and try to do the questions in my 'mind' (this is what I failed to do - try).
After one and a half hours of sleep, I got up from my bed reluctantly, get dressed and off to college I go on Suet Ching's car. And I am still sick, suffering from coughs and phlegm.
My first session was bad. I was depressed. Rain cheered me up. I listened to his songs for awhile to lift myself up a little. Yep, I love him. Studied in library and trying to spot questions. Was very nervous. Very very nervous. Thanks Eddie for lifting me through the phone.
Talking about Rain, I bought a magazine which tells a story about him. Bought it since he is my latest addiction. I read about him, and how he does his work as an artiste.
He says, "I always practice 120%, so that I can perform 100% on stage."
Yesh, this is true. We need to work at least 20% more than what we want to perform. I have been a dancer, I know. Well, I guess I need to apply this to my life, to everything I do, especially my exams! Thanks Rain. I hope you will keep pushing me forward. My role model.
I went in to exam hall of the second paper in slight anxiety. Before that, I kind of bumped into some friends, some I said 'Good Luck!', some I avoided, some shocked me by greeting me first. Hmm, lucky I guess. Filled in the particulars, and waited for the exam to start.
I flipped open the question paper, which is printed on yellow coloured papers, and read through the questions. Hmm, it paid off, the questions I managed to do. At least I wrote things in, rather than leaving it blank like the morning paper. I left approximately than 40 marks blank in the morning paper. Pathetic.
I took off to the washroom to pee after I finish half of the paper, a fresh face in the invigilator team accompanied me to the washroom. He is a Malay, a quite hip youth who is around my age, but he should be a few years elder then me. He initiated to talk to me while I was on my way, it was very nice of him to put the exam off a little. He said my course's name sounded cool. Cool. After a small chat, I found that he is from SyUC, and on a semester break. Hmm, does everyone from different college behaves differently?
I went home after the exam, feeling tired and lonely, feeling socially deprived for a sudden. Felt like hanging out with someone at this time, going out talking out loud at yumchar places. After dinner, I went online and check my mails, I read Jennie's blog. She was having a great time in UTAR, and she was being socially active, and it is great. I commented, "Dies.. Suddenly I a bit da regret I didn't change college to study... >.<"
Then, I look back at what I am now. I feel like, I do not have some sense of identity myself. I feel like I am socially deprived. I feel lonely. Looking at some of the Friendster's profiles, they have tonnes of pictures where they took together with friends, showing what they do when they hang out, or am I just ignorant of what I have done? Hmm, points to ponder.
Currently listening to Rain's new album.
1 comment:
Well, after enjoyed reading your essay, or blog as been called nowadays, I have felt that I should share some of my experiences with you. Those of which I had were like what you mentioned in your blog. When I was your age, I had asked myself that was i a 'freak' and don't know anything about social life. It was happened when I was in Townsville. Actually, before I went to study in Townsville, I did not tell my frineds who would be joining me after I registered with the uni. It was about 3 weeks before the semester started. One day, I received a sudden call from my friends (who also joined me at the end), he asked me, "where are you going to study? What uni?", I answered, "I'm going to Townsville". He was shocked and raised his voice, "you should have told me!!!". Well, that's how we started our life in uni and journey to a faraway land from home. In the first 2 months, we had met a few Malaysian students who studied there and some were just arrived a few days ahead of us. It was winter in Townsville. The very first time we felt the cold and windy weather in winter. It was one of the best memories I had there. We all stayed in on-campus accommodation and on full board rent. 3 meals a day were provided by the college. But, we were not used to the food prepared, so we ordered pizzas from Pizza Hut. And, guess what, voila! we never such great pizzas in Malaysia. We almost ordered pizzas everyday. It quite costly but who cares, because it was the only food we could swallow into our stomach. On Saturday, live soccer game, we ordered 4 large pan pizzas instead of taking dinner from the college. I, myself already finished 6 slices of pizzas. It was a good time and I thought it would stay long until I gradute. But, unexpected things happened. Whenever I think it should be this way to stay long time, things would always go wrong. So, when I started to save my freindship, but it seems going further and further from what I expect. Until nowadays, I still live as who I am, but not the same as years back, I have learnt and most important thing, be honest and confident to yourself. If you can't even trust yourself, how are you going to your friends around? I won't help you make decision, but only show you ways to make your own decision. So, why do you still need to seek for your identity? You are very distinctive already. So, just be yourself! But, don't a stupid one, be the smartest one of all.
By North Poor
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